So… I could come here preaching about how I’ve found my way back into recovery and how I have so clear on my mind what to do to stop bingeing.
I could just say “I’ve been through a rough time lately but now I’m doing good!”. But what would be the point of it?
The truth is that I relapsed badly, I started bingeing again almost like I used to and thanks to an injury I’ve had to stop working out so it’s been getting harder for me to deal with my stress.
Well I don’t remember if I mentioned this before but I was trying to apply to medical school… And I got rejected. So you can tell I’ve been pretty successful lately.
I guess I needed a break from blogging, social media and even a break from recovery. A break from trying too hard. I’ve been feeling like I was trying too hard to be an “example” of what recovery is, just trying too badly to do everything well. Typical me.
And in the end there are a lot of ways to recover, there really isn’t one failproof way that’s going to fix every eating disorder in the world. Not at all.
At first I just stopped my therapy and taking my meds, eventually I started overeating and then bingeing again. A part of me thought that maybe this time I could do it on my own, the other part was just rebelling (I think). I was probably using food to hide my frustration at not being accepted into med school, at having to decide between studying a career I didn’t like or having to prepare the stupid test for a whole other year.
I managed to accept that I couldn’t do it on my own. Yes, a lot of people have overcome BED on their own by reading books, meditating, or by eating intuitively. But that’s not me, what really works for me is therapy and a flexible meal plan that gives me structure. So I’m going to try that again but without meds this time.
I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting my blog and instagram, I can’t really promise that I will posten more often. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I just want to stop trying to be so perfect and start trying to be more human, or well, more like myself.
I hope you’re doing well 🙂
Pol
Pol Is Live ! 